being percieved really does suck. like i have to be a guy because i don't really have anything else to go on and maybe they will think i am weird but i really am overthinking this anyways most people are accepting but not the people in the discord chat i am in but anyways wait what where am i this is a long sentence (i said i use any pronouns to a few people and groups but i don't provide pronouns unless asked so... i am a guy to most people). anyways, also apparently romance exists. and sex. and everyone else thinks about it a lot. and when they look at each other, they think about having sex with them. really quite interesting stuff. and i don't know if they look at me and think of me in a sex way. or when i look at them they think i want sex. i was thinking, being trans would certainly be my most visible form of queerness, but i would wish that it is me being aroace. i want to announce to the world (without providing awkward definitions) that i don't participate in their silly little games. i am not out getting baddies

on the topic of being aroace, i kind of have this realization every few months, but this is why i never seem to resonate as much to lyrics. i was listening to "this is home" by cavetown and i was kind of teared up, that is me. is this what it is like to alloromantic and allosexual people when they listen to love songs? idk he is like me but a white british guy who is an adult and with musical talent. i also recently listened to cold visions by bladee, and i resonated to it a lot because i also want to go to venice beach with yung sherman. sorry for being so random. i need to stop having parasocial relationships with swedish men

anyways, i started counseling today. i basically just ranted about how odd and miserable my parents are. i guess i am going back next tuesday so thats cool. the counselor seems cool too so thats cool. also todays my brothers birthday so i also called my parents. kind of really intrusive but not that bad